I'll Be

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're My Survival, You're My Living Proof
My love is alive and not dead

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life

And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life

I'll Be your cryin' shoulder
I'll Be loves suicide
I'll Be better when I'm older
I'll Be the greatest fan of your life

The greatest fan of your life.
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I will not forget this song because I miss you so much... :-!

The Days that Never End

"What are your plans after this?"

Someone asked me this question lately. Frankly I do not know the answer. I do not have explicit plans for the future. Yes I have goals and the major of them is to stabilize my financial situation. I do not know how will I achieve my major goal. Maybe I get a decent job with decent salary to realize this. I live in the present and my plans are for the immediate future.

My only answer to that question? Leave.

Darn

I felt it again. The sudden rush of blood through my veins. The feeling of my heart being crushed into small pieces. The awakening of that damn fear making me breathe hard..darn it! I thought I was over her. I thought that I can look into her eyes when we meet again. To talk to her like nothing happened. Now I discovered that I am not ready. That maybe I will never be ready to face her again. Darn it! Darn it! Darn it! But then again I think I am feeling better...I lost that "I want to die" brouhaha. No, I won't succumb to that stupidity again. I just..darn it!

Oh wot the hell....thank GOD that "ghang" came to pull me out of that hole that I put myself into.

DARN IT!

Drunken Monster

“Uy [Ishmael] punta ka na dito sa bahay nina Kem. Dali Inuman tayo.”

.

I did not come. I did not even texted her back if I am coming or not. That does not mean that I do not want their company. I love them, I like them, all of them are my good friends in their own ways…all of them, my classmates from high school.

.

Actually I wanted to come. I wanted to see them again even if we had just saw each other last two days before Christmas for our party (and the event in Kem’s house would be our New Year’s party). I wanted to exchange stories with them. To reminisce with them our happy days in school.

.

I would’ve come. The only thing that held me back was the “inuman tayo” part. I do not want to drink and get drunk again. I do not want to let my alter ego “Drunken Monster” to take control of my consciousness. I might be a control freak but I hate it when I am not in control of things around me, especially my body.

.

The problem with me is that that I have no self-control. I drink like there is no tomorrow until I metamorphosed into a Drunken Monster. But then again I am glad that I got to know my self better. I know now what I am when drunk. I am also glad that I did not inherited my father’s drunken state (imagine one of my aunt’s story that my dad and his buddy held a contest of crushing hollow blocks using their heads one time that they were drunk). So far I just became a pasaway and noisy when I am drunk.

.

Nothing serious so far, but then, I do not want to be an alcoholic. Ayokong maging katulad ng mga sugapa na malalaki ang tiyan at araw-araw ay amoy alak. It is better to prevent alcoholism than cure it.

.

Kasalanan ni Makoy to eh.