Winter Solstice

Tired of the darkness within,
A young butterfly ripped out its chrysallis,
Ready to dance under the morning sun,
Eager to taste the waiting nectar.

But ---
Darkness and permafrost awaited,
With the gust of wintry wind it fell dead.

Delicate wings frozen
It did not realized,
That in the world outside ---
All are sadness,
All are death.


Two days and two weeks left before the end of my regular undergraduate life. The end is near but I feel very very exhausted. I want a decent sleep right now. I want to sleep for a month or so...or for a millennium like Sleeping Beauty.

Ha...stress and exhaustion plus the sem-ending school works.

Ah better stop whining and start sleeping? No better start working. Two days and two weeks left.

OK I will sleep for a few minutes. Good luck to me for the remaining two days and two weeks of undergraduate life.

Two Words

I am a little bit depressed this weekend. The reason? Read my past posts and you will know why. So, I am again at that point where I am thinking of sad memories and sad future. I getting tired of it...really really exhausted by my situation, until I encountered a friendster account of one of my friendster. I read on her friendster this: "I have two words for you........MOVE ON."

A timely advice from a friend that I rarely see. Thank you very much to you. You do not know how you always make me smile everytime I received e-mail from you. Thanks for the advice (even though you do not intended it for me).

It was said that good things come from unexpected sources. That is true. Many times in my life I received beautiful things from unlikely persons. Now I received this advice from a near yet rarely seen person. Danke Schon! Life is good.

Oo nga pala gusto ko lang ipagyabang dito sa blogosphere na nanalo ang aming UP Pep squad sa 2007 Cheerdance Competition ng UAAP. Ano kayo ngayon! Go UP go. Go Pep Squad. You made us proud.

I love the UP Pep Squad.

Die, Ishmael, Die!

Depression kicked in once again.

Yesterday is the most regrettable day of my life. It is so bad that I had wished to I die. I even prayed and petitioned GOD to take away my life. I told HIM to send down lightning to turn me into ashes, or even send someone who will kill me. I even started questioning my life. I felt so miserable that I know that the people in the jeepney that I rode (to go home) feel it. I felt so miserable that I have a hard time pulling myself together so that I could finish my homework that is due today.

Someone said that a person's hardest enemy is himself (or herself). Throughout his life, he has to fight himself, he has to control himself, he has to accept himself, he has to face his weaknesses. The greatest challenge in our life is ourselves.

I hate myself. I want to go away to a far far place but I know that I have nowhere to go because wherever I go, I will always be accompanied by me.

What hell of person I am. The girl that I love is just an arm's length away from me yesterday and I did nothing! I just looked down the table, feeling very very nervous. Then she left, she went home. I am left with my other classmates, doing our homework. I am very nervous that they (my classmates) could hear me stuttering. I can't concentrate, I can't stop thinking of her, only of her. Afraid to the bones. Why did I ever cultivated the pessimism in my soul. Now I am having a hard time expressing myself to her, and to other people close to me, or to the people that I want to be close with, or to my friends, my precious college friends.

I am tired, weary but still alive. I am tired of my pessimistic self. Yes, my pessimism benefited me in the gave me edge in my academics. In my past years in college, I always expected that I will fail my subjects, so I study hard, very very hard, I studied until I perfected the computations, the exams. In those days, my pessimism benefited me much but now, one month away from leaving the University and with a different priority and need from my previous college years, my pessimism became a heavy burden. One month more, I am graduating. One month more I will be leaving her without telling her my feelings.

I always expect the worst. Damn! The worst is happening now. And I wonder why GOD did not answer my plea. Foolish me, I doubted HIM again. HE that always save me from many problems many times in the past. I had seen and felt HIM intervened in my life for the nth times now.

GOD I do not know your plans. I can't see the whole stretch of road in front of me...but I know you are there to lead the way.

Quotation for the day: Go to other peoples funeral or else they won't go to yours.

Justice for Cris Mendez

Sikat na naman kami dito sa U.P. dahil sa mga frat. at few months before the centennial celebration pa. Astig din naman ang timing nila.

I wrote this post to show my indignation to what happened to Cris Mendez, a graduating public administration student, who was killed brutally by his supposedly future brads in the Sigma Rho Fraternity. Another young & bright student killed by the culture of violence that is almost as old as the university itself. What a waste, yes that is how I look at Cris' death. Waste of another life, waste of the taxpayer's money.

Joining a fraternity had been a dilemma for me. In the, past I was also invited of joining one but I refused (and mind you I had a very hard time refusing them). I do not say that all fraternities subscribe to violence, there are still fraternities out there that fosters brotherhood not in a violent way.

What perplex me is that applicants are subjected to hazing. What is the logic for that? Does that promote brotherhood within the fraternity, or is it just a form of retaliation because the members were subjected to the same tortures when they are still applicants? These people call themselves as iskolar ng bayan, matatalino. Shame! Its a shame to the masses. They sacrificed their life, their blood for us to get an education. Its a shame!

Fraternities like the Sigma Rho is nothing but gangsterism camouflaging as a legitimate brotherhood and the university had been blind on this.

I call for justice, justice for Cris, justice to other people killed by the senseless hazing, justice for the innocent people killed by fraternities because they were mistaken as member of the rival fraternity.

I call for the alumni and elders of these fraternities, please rein in your brads. One thing I want for the perpetrators of the murder, I want them expelled from the university, I want them imprisoned.

Boycott Manila Standard Today

Manila Standard Today did not fired Malu Fernandez...they did not heed the call of bloggers, OFWs and similar minded people that call for the resignation or firing of Malu. For this, I join tens of bloggers which call for the boycott of Manila Standard. Please do not buy their newspaper. Let us show the owners of this paper that we will not put up with their indifference. Join us. Please put this badge on your site. Let us spread the word, let us defend our OFW fellowmen. Thank you.

Anak ng Papi!

Senate...keep your hands off from the hello Papi scandal. Damn, the Senate has many work to do and the senators should not waste time by having an inquiry in aid of legislation about the cheating issue in the show Wowowee.

Nak ng Papi naman oh! After the Ultra Stampede, our boob tube is again bombarded by another issue about Wowowee (which is a crappy show, btw). There seems to be cheating in one of their contests wherein Willie pulled out two numbers. one of the number is zero and the other is number two which signifies 2 million pesos. The incident created an issue that there is a cheating on the show. ABS-CBN said that it is just a technical glitch. After watching the video of the incident, I am convinced that there is really cheating, that what happened is not a technical glitch.

Currently the issue revolves around the fight of words between Joey de Leon and Willie. the top honchos of ABS-CBN are excellent tacticians. They engineered their media to focus the issue not on the real incident but on the word war between the two noontime show hosts. Now, Wowowee scrambles two keep their TFC viewers from leaving them.

There are news that the senate will investigate the matter. Wot the hell! Why don't they let the Department of Trade and Industry to tackle the issue.

In the end, I say that Wowowee should be removed from the air and ABS-CBN be punished in its crime in the Ultra Tragedy and now in cheating the contestants and breaching the trusts of their viewers in general. Willie should be imprisoned by inciting the poor people to swarm in Ultra by giving false statements and untruths.

In the end, we viewers must show our strength by saying to these media establishments that we want intelligent programs. The bastards, all they care for is their profits.