Waking Up with Heavy Feeling

Sometimes I wonder why we human beings have this feeling of longing for someone to be with us always, for someone whom we can share our thoughts, someone close who we can hug and cry on whenever we feel we are too tired and exhausted by this world.

I wonder, every now and then, especially yesterday morning when I wake up feeling this intense longing for [guess who] her. I missed her very much. I feel like an empty shell the while day yesterday and today and maybe tomorrow. The feeling is terrible enough to spoil my long weekend.

Why do I have to feel this way? Why do I need her to fill my life when I grew up without knowing her or needing her? I know the theories, that this feeling of longing is embedded in our mind for the sake of survival (so to ensure that early human beings will mate and procreate) and cultivated by culture into love, affection, attraction or anything close to that. Damn theories! Damn survival instincts. Damn life!

But then again, I am glad to have met her. I am glad but I still miss her.

OK now maybe I should stop rambling about my miserable love life. Oh how I wish to hug her to today. How I wish to look her into her eyes. How I wish…

Ahh…bahala na!

Elegy #1

An old philosopher sleeping in the lily fields

Dreams the air is filled with cotton seeds

As white as the cloudy sky, as free as his thoughts.



A young lass dance with cotton seeds

Light seeds freed by the monsoon winds

As calming as tea, as unpredictable as her emotions.



The sad man, infected, smiles as he yields

Watching the young lady, he stopped picking up lily reeds

As plenty as pieces of broken glass, as dead as his soul.

Two Weeks Without T.V. and Other Things

Certified Radio Days

We go retro, he he he. We are forced to listen to the radio because our radio “gave up” living two weeks ago. I am not complaining ---- as a matter of fact, I am glad because I’m spared from seeing those crappy shows from GMA 7 and ABS-CBN. Yes I am spared from corny Eat Bulaga, the news program 24 Oras that is filled to the brim with sensationalized news, economically important (with pun intended) showbiz tsismis, and afternoon soap operas and nighttime teledramas that have recycled scripts. The only thing that I missed though was the season 1 final episode of “Heroes.” Damn, I missed watching Sylar die (sob!). Another thing is that I can’t finish watching my DVD of “Band of Brothers.”

So these past two weeks we listened to Rey Langit, Deo Macalma (with his “Espesyal na Balita”), Tiya Dely, and the irritating radio soaps. What I really listening to is the radio program “Boys’ Night Out” in Magic 89.9. Very very funny program hosted by Slick Rick, Tony Toni, and the CERTIFIED CANDY CUTIE Sam Y G. Hey guys, I love listening to your show.

Rain Drops Keep Falling on My Head

Yay! Five-day vacation…thanks to you typhoon Egay for the rain and for the suspension of classes. You are a real inconvenience. Well, I think that the prayers of the catholic faithful were answered. We are now free from the dry spell. Too bad that Manila had to suffer from floods. Well, gaya nga ng sinasabi ng marami, “umambon lang ay lubog na agad na ang Maynila.” Wawa naman.

Motivation

Move forward! Heraus and move forward. Don't mind the people around you. Don't mind what they think.

Just charge, charge as fast as blitz.

Never surrender...never raise the white flag. For if you do, then your dead. DEAD.

Me, an Anorexic?

Lately, I find it hard to swallow my food. I can't swallow not in the sense that I have a problem with my throat or my esophagus. My problem is that I have the tendency to puke what I am trying to swallow. The problem is not the food because I like what I am eating, pork adobo.

I do not know, maybe I am becoming to be an anorexic and I think that the problem is psychological. I feel nervous, very very nervous. Maybe it affects the function of my stomach or the peristalsis of my esophagus.

I fight my condition though, because I still swallow my food. I do not to skip lunch because my ulcer will come and I believe that no one should waste food.

I feel nervous these days and it affects my bodily functions. I know the solution to my problem, but I do not have the strength to do it. What my problem is? I will tell you later.

I LOVE YOU

To the girl who caught my heart but I do not have the power to tell,

I love you...that is true. Since the day that you and I chose me to be your boyfriend until this moment I feel an intense feeling of love to you. I know that it is me who caused our separation, I know I made you cry many times for the length of our relationship. I love you that is true. You are the only one that I think of from the moment I wake up until the moment I sleep. This feeling for you grow stronger day by day by day. I love the of you, heart, body and soul. You are the only one wwho make me smile my genuine smile. For every song I sing, for every poem I spun, I only think of you. You, you, no one but you. Because I want to share my whole life with you.

I love you, that is enough for me. I love even if you don't love me back. My love will always be here. You are my first true love.

I LOVE YOU.

from me,
Ishmael Ahab

Aguas de Augusta

The August rain did come,

Falling like arrows from the urban sky.

I threw away my parasol,

To feel the cold force of the water fall.

Soaked to the soul I confessed to the clouds

Of how I missed the warmth of January sun.