Mourning for the Unborn One who We Lost

Of the many paintings in the National Museum, I was drawn to Dead Child by Simon Flores (1896). I just saw the serene face of the child as if she is just sleeping. The painting evoked so many emotions, particularly sadness. It is abnormal for a child to die before his parents.

Of the many scenes in movies or TV shows that affected me so are the scenes wherein a child dies and parents grieve. I imagined myself to be in those parents’ shoes and my heart breaks.

I never expected that that imagination will come true. My unborn child, three months in My Beloved Wife’s womb, lost his/her heartbeat and died.

The event reminded me of this scene in the Bible (2 Samuel 12:16-20):

David pleaded with Yahweh for the child; he kept a strict fast and went home and spent the night lying on the ground, covered with sacking. The officials of his household stood round him, intending to get him off the ground, but he refused, nor would he take food with them. 

On the seventh day the child died. David's retinue were afraid to tell him that the child was dead. 'Even when the child was alive', they thought, 'we reasoned with him and he would not listen to us. How can we tell him that the child is dead? He will do something desperate.' 

David, however, noticed that his retinue were whispering among themselves, and realized that the child was dead. 'Is the child dead?' he asked the officers. They replied, 'He is dead.' David got off the ground, bathed and anointed himself and put on fresh clothes. Then he went into Yahweh's sanctuary and prostrated himself. On returning to his house, he asked to be served with food and ate it.

I felt the same emotions that King David felt when he was pleading for the life of his child. I called upon the Lord the moment My Beloved Wife's Ob/Gyne told us that our unborn no longer has any heartbeat. I prayed and I prayed hard. I even asked the Lord to give me many sufferings in exchange for the life of our unborn child.

The Lord did not relent. Our child died in the end. 

Instead of eating and ending the fast like King David, my reaction was different when the death of our unborn child was confirmed by the Ob/Gyne. I felt disappointed and angry. My prayers were in vain and I thought that the Lord did not listen. I lost my faith in prayers.

Losing a child is very painful. We felt the pain even we haven't hold nor seen our child. My Beloved Wife pain is greater for she carried some guilt. She blamed herself for the death of our child because she was anemic and not enough nutrition goes to our baby.

Life goes on and we have to move forward for the sake of our son and daughter. What we can only do is to pick up the broken pieces and move on. 

My Beloved Wife and I find solace from the fact that our child is now in Heaven (or maybe in purgatory awaiting the eternal glory for the sinless souls) watching over us. We promised that we will strive to do our best so that we can also get to Heaven so that we can finally see our unborn child face to face.

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