Before I go to Sleep

So here I am in New Bilibid Prison, doing a work that is hurriedly ordered, slightly ill-prepared and almost failed. What could we expect for a project that is insufficiently supported in the first place. But then again, we pulled through, with improvisation, and connections (well thank you friends out there who lent us some data that we really needed). We are leaving this place tomorrow.

Bilibid is not the place that I thought it was. It is far from my imaginations of prison with bars, bloodhound, and guards. Malaki pala itong Bilibid. The whole compound is yet a forest and talahiban.

I did saw the supposedly maximum security compound, where the rich like Jalosjos and Tehankee have/had air conditioned units.

I am yet to see the result of our project. I hope that the results are OK. Unfortunately, I am having doubts. Darn, I couldn't kick off my pessimism.

True Goals of a True Christian

This world and its ways are passing away and eventually will cease to exist. So, what then is the goal of a true Christian in this life and in this dying world? The answer is to place God in the center of our life and love Him with all our heart.

To achieve this goal, nothing should preoccupy our daily lives other than loving and serving Him. All of our attention should be focused to Him. Does that mean you leave your current ways of living and go to the nearest seminary or nunnery? The answer is a big “NO.” We do not need to be a priest or a nun, what we truly need is to be holy and offer our daily lives, our works, our sufferings, and our victories to Him. We, our body and soul, are the best things that we could surrender to our God.

When Jesus came to our world, He did not seek to overthrow the Roman Empire, Herod, the Pharisees, and the temple authorities by starting a revolution and supplanting them with His kingdom. Our Lord Jesus became blood and flesh to share His love and redeem His creations by dying in the hands of sinners. He came not to destroy but to give life.

Our goal then, as Christians, is to be like Christ in mind, body, and soul. We should emulate his ways of living. His life, faith in the Father and determination against temptations and tribulations should be exemplified.

Just like what I said, this world will cease to exist. It will be futile for us to offer our lives to change it. Offering our lives to the world are, in the end, will be worthless and will gain nothing. But that does not mean that we should sit idly and keep the system of inequality and abuse take its course. No, we should all act in the name of the Lord!

Changing the system of this world by offering our social works will be the ones that will make the difference because the Lord will be on our side and will help us. He will make sure, by using us, that more and more people will be unburdened by the inequalities of the world system so that more and more people will come to Him and adore Him.

So, if you are a Christian, you must start loving God now, truthfully and without reservations and through you, He will change the world into a better place.

Still Lost

Supposedly, when you reach the age of early twenties (I am now 22), you already have a clear-cut goal in your head. A planned path that you will take to reach that goal, especially when you already finished schooling and were thrown in the real world outside the realm of academics.

Apparently, I am lost. This the realization that dawned on me in the last months of my college life and being felt more profoundly these days. I am lost, yes, but I am not a loser ---- no not yet. Yes, I already finished college without so much of the academic wounds. Yes, I am already an engineer and gained my license with flying colors. I successfully kept myself from becoming a bum by jumping from one job to another. I started from a low paying but exciting job, transferred to a higher paying but boring one, and now to another job that makes me feel uncertain.

Now, at this moment that I thought that I had gained many great things, I began to feel that I am losing most of the good things in my life.

I am lost, and losing. The only thing that is keeping me sane is the fact that I still can keep my depression at bay.

Why Oh Why?

Talk to me, text me me. I am just one SMS away. Why do you have to do this? Please, just text me anything. Anything will do, throw your angst, shower me with your wrath. Smother me with your sadness. But, please...not this wall of silence.

Nothing will be resolve by keeping mum about the issue. I admit to be in the wrong, yes I declare! I lied, I am dishonest. Though I told you about it, maybe for you the confession is too late, just too late. But please not this silence. I do not know how to place myself. Does this mean that you do not forgive me? Is your silence a sign that you're giving up.

You're giving up? Tell me! I am listening. I will accept anything. I will eagerly accept your forgiveness, I will swallow your rejection. I will set you free, just tell me. Please tell me.

I am broken as you are, and yes, it is my fault. I deserve this brokenness. I deserve this pain.

I am a fool!

Real Friends

One of the good things that could happen to a person is in earning true friends.

I had severed my ties with the bank that I had worked for. It had been a hard time for me, and obviously I hurt the feelings of my boss in the department. I submitted my letter of resignation and my days became hard ever since.

As a newbie in the department, I know that I will have little support from the older employees. But thanks be to GOD that he placed well chosen people to be my pals

I wish to see them later. I hope that GOD Blesses them always.

Something Missing

So its now official, I am now an engineer. Our oath taking ceremony last Friday confirmed that fact.

In the ceremony held in Manila Hotel, everybody is jubilant. It seems like everybody have cameras, and everyone is posing every now and then with their friends, classmates and acquaintances.

I enjoyed so much picture taking, that I used my brother’s camera to the maximum to capture this happy event with my friends.

That Friday was really a happy day for me. I laughed, smiled and talked with them, these people that I will never again see for a long time.

But something is missing, I didn’t have a chat with my ex-girlfriend. It is not that I am still hoping for a rejuvenation of our past relationship. I just want to break the ice and somehow repair the broken friendship or, at least, the acquaintanceship between us. Aside from the greetings and congratulatory remarks that I thrown her way, I said and did nothing more.

That event would have been better if we had smiled genuinely to one another, if only for the last time. And that is what is missing.